Look For Glimmers

   I began a grueling time of COVID. I've had COVID before. It did take a lot out of me. I had many of the same symptoms as before. I just expected it would be about the same as the times before. I was wrong.

   I was congested beyond any level I had been ever. I was exhausted and unable to sleep. When sleep did finally come I didn't want to wake up. I wasn't hungry but when hunger came it was ravenous. The problem was I had no energy. Yeah I could hardly even sit up at a table. Chewing? Took the energy out of me. And when I did get any headway, my head would start aching and pounding. 

   That went on for at least 10 days. 10 days of misery. 10 days of questions. 10 days of "God why?" "God did I sin?" "God do I need to learn a lesson?" "God tell me what to do to get better, please." 10 days of crying out for healing. And, nothing.

   I wasn't even able to make it through a whole day of work in that time. I was weak, tired, and losing hope. So what do you do when you have nothing left?

   I had to look for the glimmers. What was good? Where did I see God? I saw God in him sending my boyfriend to be my helper. I saw God in the scriptures, as I listened to healing scriptures for many of those days. I saw God in people reaching out to check on me. I saw God in the songs he sent over the radio. I saw God in the podcasts that randomly played while I was resting. I saw God in women praying in the spirit over me for healing. I saw God in my students listening and helping me. I saw God in my bosses being supportive and caring. 

   None of those things changed my circumstances, but it did change my perspective. I was still tired and in pain but I was thankful for those around me. I was still congested but I saw the help coming. And, as I write this, I'm still sick. But I know God is with me. Will I still face thought battles? Probably. Will I still get emotional? Probably. I don't know if there's a grand lesson in this suffering. I don't even know if I'll make it through work tomorrow. But I know whose I am and who is for me. That's what I need.

   So, when challenging times come what do you do? Where do you look? Who do you look to?