Relationships: A New Year's Day Blog

   For those of you who know me well, or have read my blog, you know that each year I have a spiritual focus I work on. That doesn't mean I forsake other spiritual growth, but it means I'm consciously focusing on that goal throughout the year. 

   This past year I focused on relationships. I focused on relationships at different levels and tried to grow in my relationships. To some of you, this discipline may come easy but to me it isn't the easiest. I'm a person who doesn't like small talk. I like questions, getting to know people at a deeper level, and showing love to people in the way they need it. This can be intimidating to some people. While for others, it can be hard because they wear masks and are not authentic with others. People notice that and that may be a turn off.

   This past year, I worked on engaging in conversations with people I know and people I met. I tried to begin with smaller talk and waited to go deeper until I felt the relationship was growing. I made time for others, even when I was tired or very busy. I also began a discipline of a prayer calendar where I would ask people what they needed prayer for and I prayed for those requests each day. 

   What I learned is that balance is important. I knew this already, as I know I didn't want to become a starving baker, but I became more firm in knowing what I needed. When we began to spend too much time with people, I was able to look at my husband and say, "I need a break." We are both introverts, so that's helpful and he understands where I'm coming from. 

   I learned that people can tell when you really care. Relationships are about give and take. Sometimes, we do a lot of the giving in certain relationships and that's okay. As Christians we are called to serve others and love them. Sometimes that means we don't get anything in return. Other times we need more help so we do more of the taking or getting. That's okay as long as there is a balance and we don't over-take from people. 

   Which leads to the final thing I learned: relationships require sacrifice. When I learned what someone needed sometimes it required my time, energy, or money. That's not always easy to give up, but it is what we are called to do. That's what Jesus did. He knew when he had to spend time with the Father but he also knew how to balance that with loving others. Seeing his work on earth is such an encouragement to us. He is the one who we should be emulating in all ways, but especially when it comes to relationships.

   So, what are your relationships like? How have you shown love lately? Is there any area of your spiritual life that you need to work on?

A Closer Walk With Him

    Have you ever chosen to do something that was a bit outside your comfort zone? I had a whole year where I focused on doing that. But just because that was my spiritual focus for a year, doesn't mean I'm done with stepping out of my comfort zone. I still have to make choices that my brain says, "I wouldn't do that because you'll be uncomfortable." Yet, I choose to do it because I feel led to do it.

   One particular time I felt led to talking with new people. Now I am an introvert, but I enjoy talking with people one on one. When I was younger, I made friendships, new and old ones, idols. Instead of thinking of God when I woke up, I turned on my devices and looked at what my friends wrote me right away. That was unhealthy for me, and I learned my lesson. Thus, when I felt led to open myself to new relationships, I was nervous. I didn't understand why God would want me to do this when I struggled with this relationship problem in the past.

   Nevertheless, I followed the calling. Because I followed, I got to know new people. I got to help others grow and vice versa. But I think the biggest thing I realized through that experience is how much I had grown in the Lord. 

   Rather than leaning on those new relationships, I made my relationship with God more of a priority. I knew from past mistakes that if I leaned on anything other than my relationship with God I would get hurt and so would others. I spent more time with God when I began that season. I woke up each day thinking about God and how blessed I was to have a relationship with Him. I didn't check my phone every 5 minutes to see if I had a message like I used to in past friendships. Instead, I went about my day like I normally would have and didn't dwell on those new relationships. 

   God challenged me to step outside my comfort zone. Because I accepted the challenge, I grew in my relationship with him. If I wouldn't have done what I felt led to do because of fear, I wouldn't have grown or seen how much I had grown. God asked me to do something hard because he loves me. What's he asking you to do?

   Joshua 1:9 and Proverbs 3:5-6

 

A Prayer for Next Christmas

   As I've grown older, more and more things in my life have begun to change. When I was young, my whole family would gather at my parents' home. We would eat together and open gifts. And I would get a lot of presents.

   As time went on, we began to get less presents. My family would still come over and we would still eat and spend time together.

   These last few years, we get maybe one present from each person. And there are fewer members of my immediate family coming to the house. Whether due to marriage or death, there's less of them there on that day. 

   As I've grown older, I've begun to realize more and more to cherish the time we have with others. We never know what time we have left with people. Cathrine Hicks once said, "Before we took down the tree each year, Dad would always say a prayer that we would be together the next Christmas. I cling to that prayer, which serves as a reminder that it's important to be grateful in the present for the people you love because, well, you never know."

   That quote hits me harder this year. Last Christmas I wrote about the gift of grief. My grandmother died two days after Christmas last year. A family friend died around Thanksgiving last year. I won't get to see them anymore at any Christmas events here on earth.

   See, year after year, things change. People die or move on, there's less presents, and the sadness could overtake a person. But things also change the other way. This year, I have a new brother-in-law. My brother has a girlfriend. While we lose those we love, and it hurts, we can be thankful for who we still have and those we have gained. We can pray that prayer each year and be thankful for who was there. And we can thank God for the gifts he's given us. Gifts that are tangible, yes; but also the gifts of relationships we have. Whether those relationships are in the past, in the present, or in the future. Because, one day, I know I will have a great celebration in heaven with those I've lost. And we can praise God for the gift of his son so that is possible. 

   So, are you thankful for the time you've spent with family? How can you show those you love that you are thankful for them?

What Really Matters

    If you know me, you know I like Disney movies. One movie, that has some devil like elements in it but has a good message, is The Princess and the Frog. There's a song in that movie called "When We're Human." This song is sung by characters who all have their focus skewed.

   It starts off with an alligator singing about how he wishes to be a famous musician. There is no problem with going for your dreams. But he says everyone will bow down to him. Who is this dream for? This is for him. It is not for God's glory it is for his. 

   The next character to sing is the prince who is a frog at that point in the movie. He talks about how when he is human again, he is going to have parties every night. He also talks about how the point of being on earth is to have fun. That is far from the point of being on earth. The meaning of life is to make a difference and reflect God's glory. If we try to do anything else, we will have a void in our hearts.

   The final character to sing is Tiana. She is a waitress who is turned into a frog when she kissed the prince. She talks about working hard for all she has. Sounds good so far, but then she says: "If you do your best each and every day Good things are sure to come your way." That sounds like logic as well. But the problem is it is the world's logic. There are times that if we do our best good things will come. Yet I know for a fact that I try to do my best each day and good things do not always come. We fail because we are not perfect. If we were, there would be no need for a savior. 

   What's the point of all this then? The point is that we are human. We have a job to do. We should do our best each day not for our glory but to reflect God's glory. Matthew 5:16 reminds us of this: "In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." That's why we are here.

   So, are you letting your light shine for God? How can you reflect God's glory today?

 

 

Taste the Butter

   I am not a big fan of bread. I will eat it, but it is not something I am excited about eating. Now, if you asked me to eat toast (which is technically bread but warmed up) I would eat it. Or if you asked me to eat Texas Roadhouse Rolls, I would be there. Why? Texas Roadhouse Rolls are warm and flaky. But what really makes the rolls is the butter. It is cinnamon sugar butter. I'm telling you it is so good, especially on a warm roll.

   But, because it is so good, we use a lot of it. By the time we reach the last roll much of the butter is gone. So, if we use it on the roll the butter is spread very thin. That means it usually does not taste as good as the others do.

   Just like butter, we can be spread too thin. If we do many things during the week, keep busy, and keep working without rest we will be exhausted. Then, when we must get up and do it again, we do not do those things as well as we were originally. We are tired and cannot give as much as we would like to.

   Therefore, it is vital to rest, lest we be spread too thin. Psalm 127:2 says, "It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep." If we are so busy that we are getting up early and going to bed late, then we will be so burnt out we will not be able to give our best to God. Our butter will be spread so thin that we will not taste the goodness of God as much.

   We must take time to rest. To be in silence and solitude. This is how we will be sure we are not spread too thin. God rested on one day of the week for a reason. It was an example for us. He knew we would try to rely on our own power. We would continue to work so much that we would not be able to taste the goodness of life. To enjoy God's blessings and see his glory.

   So, are you being spread too thin? How can you make time to rest and spend time with God? What can you do to rest today?

  

The Tingle

   At some point or another we have all felt it: fear. Some of us have felt that emotion more than others. I personally, struggle with anxiety. It is a bit hard to explain how exactly it feels but I can tell you in my experience my heart feels like it's beating fast, it feels hard to catch my breath, and my brain sometimes feels like it is tingling.

   I've learned some ways to help combat my anxiety but that's not what I want to talk about today. One week I had a mini anxiety attack. Then, that same week, I went to Camp YoliJwa for a meeting. We had a time of worship there. While I was singing, I started to get a tingle in my brain again. This time the tingle made me feel joy.

   I found it incredibly odd that I would get a tingle in my brain when I was afraid and when I felt joy. Why would my brain do that? Then I thought about the devil and how he tries to move us away from God. The devil likes to copy God. He literally wants to be God so that makes sense. One tool the devil uses is fear. What's the opposite of fear? Some would say courage or bravery, but I think the Bible has another answer as well.

   1 John 4:18 says: "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." Throughout the Bible we see the devil spreading fear and God showing love. Even in reading God's word we see his love in us physically. 

   There have been a few studies done on the connection between the Bible and our brains. Dr. Michael Ferguson is a man who studied this. He found that: "The researchers also noticed that while reading the Bible, high amounts of dopamine were released through the brain. When your brain releases dopamine you are likely to be more focused, motivated, and happy overall."

   We literally get happy and have joy when we truly read the Bible. Not skim it, read it. Dig deep into it to grow and find out more about our Lord. It is also like when we worship God. 

   So, what tingle are you feeling: fear or joy? How can you grow closer to God? How can you help others grow closer to God?

https://www.therapyforchristians.com/blog/what-are-the-psychological-benefits-of-reading-the-bible

I Can't Do It All

    Sometimes God brings about reminders that I am not a superhero. One time in particular was when one of my co-teachers was out for a week. Because of that, I had to work multiple days in a row from 7-5. Luckily, I talked with her over that next weekend, and she was feeling better. 

   Unluckily my other co-teacher got sick. On top of that another teacher got sick and it was spring break for the college students who usually fill in. And many of them went on vacation somewhere for break. Thus, I went through another three days of working almost every day 7-5. 

   It was that Wednesday that I reached my breaking point. I had worked many hours, interacted with children and others for most of my day when I'm an introvert, had other things to do outside work, and I was burnt out! I looked at my boss that day and I told her so. She understood and did what she could to make the week a bit smoother on me as my co-teacher was not in in the mornings the rest of the week due to her illness.

   Now, that week I had a choice. I could have continued to act like everything was okay. I could have done that and been cranky and emotional the rest of the week. But I didn't do that. I chose to be honest, real, and authentic with others. I chose to say, "God, I need your strength. Please help me shine your light during this week though I am tired." I chose to listen to Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

   God came alongside me, and I finished the week not on my own strength but His. Whatever you are going through, God will be there with you. He will carry you through if you trust in him.

   So, are you relying on God? How can you be authentic with others each day? What can you trust God with more in your life?