Soul Ties and Trauma

    There's a shirt that our church has sold in the past. The shirt says, "Your trauma is not my drama." When I first began going to that church and saw the shirt I thought, "that's a bit harsh." Perhaps you thought that as well. Then I began getting to know why the shirt says that and it makes complete sense.

   In the past, I've talked about caring and yet not caring about people. While here on earth, we have a mission to share the good news of the gospel and love God and love others. We love others by acting like Christ and helping them. Sometimes, in helping people, we become attached to them. These are called soul ties.

   Soul ties are attachments to the things of this world. These can be people, places, or things. Some soul ties are good. Most of the time, the ties I have to my husband, family, and friends are good. They lift me up, we point one another to Christ, and we love one another. But there are times where these ties are not good. If a family member got hurt by someone or a situation and I begin to let that bleed into my life where it impacts my feelings and my day so much that I'm not reflecting Christ, that's not a good soul tie. 

   This is what I mean by trauma and soul ties being connected. Traumas are events or experiences that paralyze us emotionally and can also affect us physically (ex. PTSD). Most of us have probably experienced trauma at some point in our lives. This trauma can be carried with us for a long time. I've had friends and family who have gone through unthinkable things, most of the time it was not their choice. I've seen both sides where some people let that trauma impact their lives to the point that they are not living anymore or they try to numb themselves in some way. There's also been people who overcome these traumas because they trust in God. 

   Let's say I had a friend who had something traumatic happen. They tell me about it and I begin to see it impact their daily living. This impacts how I feel and I begin to feel the same way they do. This is why the shirt says, "your trauma is not my drama." It doesn't mean we don't care. It just means that we are going to cut that negative soul tie and not let your event, horrible as it may be, impact our own lives. We will love you and pray for you, but we cannot let your situation bleed into our lives and emotions lest we take on that trauma as well. When we pray, we will ask God to help you. We will ask that you give whatever happened to him and trust that he's taken it from you. This will help you out of the trauma hole and cut the soul tie with what happened so you can move on with your life. That's what God wants for us. He wants to take our burdens and for us to trust in him.

   So, do you have any trauma or soul ties that need to be dealt with? How can you give those to God today?

Remembering Those who Came Before Us: Memorial Day

   When you think of Memorial Day, what do you think of? Maybe it's thoughts of time with family, picnics, parades, and time off work or school. You also try to remember to be grateful for those who served our country and died in that service. 

   To those of you who had family or friends who served and lost their lives, we are truly grateful for the freedom we have because of their sacrifice. There's no greater love than to lay down one's life for a friend. Those who served and died did this. 

   This year, on Memorial Day, I'm also thinking about those who have passed in my life. They may not have served their country, or died protecting it, but many of them did serve God's kingdom. I'm sure you have people in your life who have passed who you still think about. Maybe the scar they left in leaving is still fresh. Maybe it's not. However fresh it is, I encourage you to think about them today.

   Think about those who served our country and those who served God's kingdom. Thank them for their sacrifice. Thank God that he has given us freedom. Thank God that he has sacrificed his Son so we can be with him in heaven. 

   So, who do you know who served our country or God's kingdom? If they were here today, how would you thank them?

Learning to Rest

   I don't know about you, but I am very good at doing things. By doing things I don't mean I do a lot of things well, though I do some well. What I mean is I am good at keeping myself busy. I am good at reminding myself of what needs done in my life and doing my best to get it done when it needs to get done. I may not like doing it but I am good at getting it done.

   I'm good at staying busy. I'm good at overthinking every little thing I need to do and sometimes thinking about the things I've gotten done. When I think about the things I've gotten done it is an encouragement, usually. Sometimes it is a burden because I think I could do those things better. But the point is, I'm good at staying busy.

   I'm good at being a Martha. You remember Martha from the Bible? She's the one who cooked and cleaned for Jesus and his disciples. She's the one whose sister, Mary, sat at Jesus' feet instead of helping Martha. She's the one who Jesus reprimanded for yelling at her sister to come help her with the food. Jesus wasn't upset at Martha for all the things she was doing. He was saying that all those things were getting in the way of what is really important: spending time with him.

   Sometimes I think we use busyness as an excuse. We have a long to do list and we want to get it done asap. But, have you ever noticed that our to do list just keeps growing. No matter how much we get done, more still comes that we need to do. That to do list has a horrible habit of getting in the way of spending time with God. Think about the last time you tried to spend time with God. Were you actually present and focused on him or were you focused on the things that needed to get done? I've done it both ways, as I'm sure you have as well. 

   I think many of us could all use a lesson in stopping, spending time in silence, being present with God, and resting in him. When we rest in him, we regain strength to do what needs to get done. We are polishing our armor, if you will, to prepare ourselves for what we need to do and the battles we may face each day. That's why resting in him is so important: it gives us a relationship with him, gives us rest, and helps us grow in him.

   So, have you been too busy lately? How can you spend time with God each day?

The Sacrifice of Mothers

   Last year, on Mother's Day, I delivered a sermon on Hannah's story from the Bible. During that sermon, I said something that scared my father. I said, "I am not a mother, YET." After the sermon, my dad questioned me and I just rolled my eyes. This year is different; I am technically a mother now as I am carrying a child in my womb. There are times it doesn't feel like it, but it is true that I am currently a mother to a child I haven't met yet. There are even times when I ask my husband, "do you think I'm going to be a good mom?" He usually says, "you already are."

   The prospect of being a mother is scary. I mean, you are bringing a little child into the world who solely relies on you for everything. On top of that, the world we live in can be scary. Then there's all the things you don't think about or know until they happen. I didn't research anything on pregnancy, childbirth, or raising a baby until I became pregnant. There's a lot to think about and there are a lot of opinions out there. 

   Then you have the fact that complications arise. In past Mother's Day blogs and sermons I have talked about how much mothers sacrifice. While no one may tell you this, the sacrificing begins once the baby is in the womb. Aside from all the symptoms you may hear about, there are the ones you don't want to think about. Symptoms like Gestational Diabetes. This is what the doctor diagnosed me with.

   Gestational Diabetes sounds like you just have to focus on not eating sugar but there's more to it than that. I need to count my carbohydrates at every meal, eat half a plate of vegetables at every meal, eat protein at every meal and snack, and eat small snacks throughout the day. I'm only allowed to have 30-45 grams of carbohydrates at each meal. I'm pregnant; this is the time I am to be enjoying being able to eat pretty much whatever I want (I was avoiding sugar most of the time before this) but instead I'm hungry most of the time. 

   Before I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes, my husband kept saying something to me whenever a symptom would come up or when I would get overwhelmed. He would say, "we've entered our time of sacrifice." Being parents, being a mother, requires sacrifice. You give up your time, money, and health to do what is best for your child. And, yes, it can be annoying at times. I don't like the fact that I have to say no to sugar when we are at family get togethers. I don't like that I feel tired a lot lately. But I know that I'm sacrificing for someone I love, even if I haven't met them yet. That's what love requires: sacrifice. 

   Jesus was the one who ultimately sacrificed for all of us. He loved us enough to give up his life. When I am struggling with things happening in my life, I can look at him and thank him for what he did. I can try my best to emulate him and show his love to others. That's what we are all called to do each and every day.

   Happy Mother's Day to all mothers and mother figures out there. I hope you know how appreciated you are, even if you don't always hear it. Know that your sacrifice is worth it.

Active Listening

    Listening: it is not easy for some people. We talk a lot about listening with students. When you work with 3–5-year-olds listening is hard. Children don't like being told what to do. They want to do what they want. But that's not how the world works. Many times, we cannot do what we want to do whenever we want to do it.

   That's why we teach the skill of listening to students. We tell them their ears need to be open wide. Their mouths need to be zipped. Eyes are looking at who is talking. And their body is still. That's how you are an active listener. But listening doesn't just involve hearing.

   Listening involves doing as well. When we are asked to do something, we should do it right away all the way. That means we don't wait; we try to listen as quickly as possible. And we don't do things part of the way we complete what we are asked to do. 

   It sounds easy in certain ways, if you are used to listening, but how are you at listening to God? Romans 10:17 says: "So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ." That means to be listening to God we need to dig deep into his word, so we know what he is asking us to do. It means we need to be in communication with God. Communication is not a one-way thing. We don't just talk when we pray. We need to be actively listening for God’s nudging. No distractions. No talking. No doing other things. We are in silence and solitude.

   Then, when we do hear from God, we need to listen right away all the way. James 1:22 says: "But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves." Yes, we are to take time to be and be still. But if that's all we, do we are missing out on the mission God has given us. That's why it is so important to be actively listening to God.

   So, are you spending time with God each day? Are you actively listening to Him? If he calls you to do something, will you listen right away all the way?

 

Curiosity Vs. Condemnation

    Have you ever had a moment where you witnessed someone doing something and it seemed wrong? Maybe you even noticed someone sinning. What is your initial reaction or response when someone does something like that? Maybe you feel the need to correct them. Maybe you turn a blind eye. Maybe you swing back and forth and wonder if you should say something or not.

   Can I give all of us a third option? I'll do it anyway, if you said no. Be like Jesus. Yeah, I know we should all be doing that anyway. But I'm not just taking about how Jesus showed love to all. I'm talking about the way he approached people and teaching. Instead of condemning people right away, he asked questions. If we approached people with curiosity instead of condemnation, what could happen?

   Imagine if you were the person sinning and someone came up to you and just yelled at you. How would you feel? Maybe you didn't even know what you were doing was wrong. But if someone came up to you and asked you what you were doing and why you were doing it how would you feel? Asking questions open up conversation. It also helps to not make the person feel ashamed and burn bridges.

   Now, I'm not saying that the person who is sinning should not feel some shame. What I am saying is we don't need to be judge, jury, and executioner. We can ask questions to understand. Then, if someone is sinning, we can ask questions like "what do you think that is doing to yourself or others? Do you think this is going to bless you in the future?" Maybe the person isn't actually sinning. Questions help you understand. Questions build relationships. Questions help us be more like Jesus.

   So, when you see someone sinning, what do you do? How can you share the gospel each day?

How You Are Described

    One of the ways I like to get to know people better is by having times where I meet with them one on one. I do this with the players I coach. One time I had a meeting with a player toward the end of the season. 

   At the end of the meeting, she told me that she would have avoided having a meeting with me had I asked at the beginning of the season. I asked why? She said because she was intimated by me because I seemed very serious. I then asked what changed? She said she got to know me more and saw how I interacted with her and the other members of the team. She realized that I was a very caring person.

   Then, because I like questions, I asked her how she would describe me. She said in one word she would say caring. The next word she would say strict, but about soccer; and that's a good thing for a soccer coach. 

   This got me thinking about how other people would describe me to someone if they had to. The next day I asked a co-worker how she would describe me. She said caring, comedic, sarcastic, and generous. Some of the ways she described me I would have not used to describe myself. It's not that they were bad things, it's just that I didn't think of myself in that way.

   It is interesting to find out what adjectives people would use to describe us. The thing is it is important to think about how they would describe us. We, who call ourselves Christians, are labeled. People who know that about us will be watching to see how we act. Are we loving? Are we loyal? Are we generous? Are we a reflection of Jesus? 

   Matthew 5:16 says, "In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." We are to be a light, not a hindrance to the gospel. There's a saying that goes, "you may be the only Bible someone will ever read." That should make us think about our actions. We can say we love Jesus but if our actions don't show it, why would anyone want to follow Jesus if we are the example? That's why we must walk our talk. We must reflect on our actions and be a light for Christ.

   So, how would people describe you? Are you being a light for Christ? If not, what can you do to change that?