Gram Gram

    Pain, sorrow, anger, numbness, hurt; those are just some of the emotions I'm feeling right now. I recently wrote about how grief is a gift. Well, sometimes it can feel like a burden, especially when it is fresh. Right now, it's fresh. At 3 am on December 27th, 2024, my grandmother passed away. So, right now, I'm feeling these things.

   When someone you care about passes, it's hard not to think about memories, who the person was, what they meant to you, and things they did with you. Before Gram Gram even passed, I thought about the memories I had with her. Many of them were from when I was younger. Grandma was our primary babysitter for years. She took care of us while mom and dad were working. I remember mostly little things. Things like how I would ask her to tickle me, her homemade pot pie, how she enjoyed coloring, how she patiently answered all my questions, that she would watch whatever we were watching without complaint (even if it was Lion King for the hundredth time), how she came to events to support us, just to name a few. 

  But as I looked back, I realized something: I was lucky. While I didn't have many specific memories that stood out, I did have little memories. And those little memories spoke to my grandma's character more than anything. For at least nine years of my life, grandma was consistently there to watch me. She showed me how to love. She showed me patience and compassion when me and my siblings were going crazy. She showed how to support and encourage when she came to our school or sport events. She even showed me how to do things that I wasn't that good at, like gardening, I did not inherit the green thumb. 

   Love, joy, thankfulness, peace; those are more emotions I'm feeling right now. Odd to feel when someone close to you has died. But I feel love because of who grandma was. She loved others. She loved her family. She taught her family how to love. I'm feeling joy because I know where grandma is. I know she's feeling joy and pain free because she's with her heavenly father. I'm feeling thankful because I got to have a grandma for as long as I did. I'm thankful I got to say goodbye to her. I'm thankful because of what she taught her family. She taught them how to love, compassion, how to encourage, and about Jesus. I'm feeling peace because I know her story isn't over and one day I will see her again.

   Grief is still a gift. It is painful and can be a burden, but grief reminds us of what we have. It reminds us to be thankful for the time we do have and to make the most of it. This Holiday season has included more grief than I can ever remember having in my life. But it has also had some of the most loving and cherished times I can remember. Perhaps that's because this season has taught me to look at each moment as a gift. That may not have happened without the gift of grief.

   So, grandma, thank you for who you were. Thank you for teaching our family so many good character traits just by being you. A godly, caring mother, grandmother, wife, and friend. We will miss you while we are here, but we'll see you someday.

https://youtu.be/W8bFysfU0ZM

The Gift of Grief

    Christmas is a time of year that we associate with gifts. I mean, other than Birthdays it's probably the only time of year we get gifts and give them. It's a time of year where we think about hope, peace, joy, love, and Jesus who came to bring that all. This year I was struck by something different than I was usually this season. Sure, I thought about all those things Christmas usually brings but something else happened that made me think of something new: grief.

   On Thanksgiving Day, my family went to visit my grandmother at a rehabilitation facility where she was at for physical therapy. While there, across the hall, a man died. After leaving, my husband and I both said in an odd way it made us more thankful for what we had. 

   Later, toward the middle of December, a family friend who was a part of my parent’s church for as long as I can remember, suddenly died. It was a shock to everyone. And it made me think of how hard it was for me and my family, let alone his family, to deal with his passing.

   Yes, Christmas and Thanksgiving are times we remember to be thankful, have joy, give gifts, and that Jesus came to be our Savior but sometimes it's hard for people to have those things and remember them. Grief is real and it's okay to have. Jesus even grieved over the loss of his friends. But it's also a time to remember the good. To remember the gift that life is. That God gives us this life so we can get to know him, grow in him, help others know about him, and help others grow in him. 

   This life has pain and sadness. This life isn't always easy. We have hurts and hang ups. But God is with us through it all. He sent Jesus so we could have hope in a future eternity with him. So, we could have peace in this life and the next. He came so we could have joy in knowing everything will be okay. That we can spread his love to others so they can have eternal life. Isn't that an amazing privilege and gift?

   So, yes, grief can be a gift. It is a reminder that this world is filled with sorrow, but this world is not the end. We can rest in knowing that God is with us in Spirit here and one day we will be with him in heaven. Thank Jesus that he came as a baby, with the plan in place to eventually die as the perfect sacrifice for our sins, so we could be with him forever. He is the perfect Christmas gift

https://youtu.be/Du0ZsDLwH_0

Who are You Emulating?

    Many people have someone they look up to. Someone they want to be like. Someone who has characteristics they want to have. Who is that for you?

   I don't know who that is for you, but I hope it is someone with godly characteristics. Let me ask you this: do you have someone who you don't want to be like? I'm not even talking about someone who is following the ways of the world, though I hope you are not following them. I am talking about someone that people say you act a lot like, but you don't want to be like. Maybe it's a sibling or a parent. You don't want to be like them because you want to be unique, or you see things in them that you don't like. Then what happens is you get so focused on not being like that person that it becomes a problem. The problem is what, or who, you are focused on.

   When you are focused on not becoming, or being, like someone then you are not focused on who you should be like. Who are you to be like? The answer is Jesus. Ephesians 5:1-2 says, "Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." We are to imitate Christ. When we are focused on being or not being like someone else then we miss who we should be like. We should be focused on Jesus and his work. We should try to be like him instead of focused on trying to be like other people.

   So, who are you trying to emulate? How can you focus on being more like Jesus today?

https://youtu.be/KERyG8FfDvA

You Don't Have to be a Beast of Burden

    One day I went to a church service. I was going through something medically related but everything else in my life was going well. I felt good that night overall.

   The service started and I began to get chills. Now it was hard to tell at that point if the chills were coming from the Holy Spirit, because it was cold, or because of my medical issue. I began to worry and overthink about my medical condition. At that point it was a weekend, and I wasn't on medical insurance. If I had to go somewhere it would cost a lot of money. 

   I began to feel the anxiety creep in. In the past, I had a major anxiety issue. I knew what it felt like for me. My brain began to become foggy, my heart raced, and I felt short of breath. But each time I told myself I was safe, and God was with me. This continued through much of the service. I finally realized what was happening. Satan was trying to distract me from what was happening. He didn't want me to focus on the service or God. He wanted me to focus on anything but God. That's when I knew it had to end. 

   I commanded Satan to leave me alone. I took my thoughts captive. I asked God to help me and to heal me. Suddenly I felt something wash over me. My brain felt peace first. Then I felt it in my spirit. I also didn't feel as much pain, which was part of my medical issue.

   So many times I think we think we need to handle things on our own. We think God can't help us or won't or we are scared to call on him because maybe he didn't answer us in a way we wanted him to before. But it's not our job to fix things. It's our job to trust him. It's our job to fix our eyes on him instead of our problems or the things of this world. You don't have to carry your burdens. You don't have to worry. You can give all that over to God. And he will give you peace.

   So, what are you carrying today? Will you give that burden over to God?

https://youtu.be/3yuvuH82Poc

You Can't Have Me

   One day I was at church. In the middle of worship, I began to feel an unwelcome presence. Anxiety began creeping in. I was tired and weak from the week. Once I felt it, I had a choice. I could choose to accept it. I could give it a name. I could say, "well, it's back. What can I do?" Or I could say, "no, you cant have me. I rebuke you. I wont even give you a name."

   I prayed immediately and asked God for strength. I asked him to rid me of this evil presence. The next song literally talked about this. It talked about pleading the blood of Jesus. It's not in my own power or will that I can be rid of that presence. Jesus' blood washed me clean and he has the power to demolish demons and strongholds. I needed to trust in his strength. 

   1 Peter 5:8 was what I followed right away, "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." Instead of relying on my own power, I claimed Gods power. I tagged him in, and the anxiety was gone a lot quicker. 

   So, when you feel the devil attacking what do you do? How can you follow 1 Peter 5:8?

https://youtu.be/l-AOvBK6x4Y