Pain, sorrow, anger, numbness, hurt; those are just some of the emotions I'm feeling right now. I recently wrote about how grief is a gift. Well, sometimes it can feel like a burden, especially when it is fresh. Right now, it's fresh. At 3 am on December 27th, 2024, my grandmother passed away. So, right now, I'm feeling these things.
When someone you care about passes, it's hard not to think about memories, who the person was, what they meant to you, and things they did with you. Before Gram Gram even passed, I thought about the memories I had with her. Many of them were from when I was younger. Grandma was our primary babysitter for years. She took care of us while mom and dad were working. I remember mostly little things. Things like how I would ask her to tickle me, her homemade pot pie, how she enjoyed coloring, how she patiently answered all my questions, that she would watch whatever we were watching without complaint (even if it was Lion King for the hundredth time), how she came to events to support us, just to name a few.
But as I looked back, I realized something: I was lucky. While I didn't have many specific memories that stood out, I did have little memories. And those little memories spoke to my grandma's character more than anything. For at least nine years of my life, grandma was consistently there to watch me. She showed me how to love. She showed me patience and compassion when me and my siblings were going crazy. She showed how to support and encourage when she came to our school or sport events. She even showed me how to do things that I wasn't that good at, like gardening, I did not inherit the green thumb.
Love, joy, thankfulness, peace; those are more emotions I'm feeling right now. Odd to feel when someone close to you has died. But I feel love because of who grandma was. She loved others. She loved her family. She taught her family how to love. I'm feeling joy because I know where grandma is. I know she's feeling joy and pain free because she's with her heavenly father. I'm feeling thankful because I got to have a grandma for as long as I did. I'm thankful I got to say goodbye to her. I'm thankful because of what she taught her family. She taught them how to love, compassion, how to encourage, and about Jesus. I'm feeling peace because I know her story isn't over and one day I will see her again.
Grief is still a gift. It is painful and can be a burden, but grief reminds us of what we have. It reminds us to be thankful for the time we do have and to make the most of it. This Holiday season has included more grief than I can ever remember having in my life. But it has also had some of the most loving and cherished times I can remember. Perhaps that's because this season has taught me to look at each moment as a gift. That may not have happened without the gift of grief.
So, grandma, thank you for who you were. Thank you for teaching our family so many good character traits just by being you. A godly, caring mother, grandmother, wife, and friend. We will miss you while we are here, but we'll see you someday.
So sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute to your Gram Gram.
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