Fear in My Heart

    One day I was going about my morning, and I began to wonder why my head felt like it was swimming. I shook my head and continued with my day. Then, a bit later, my heart felt like it was beating fast. I used my watch to see what my pulse was, and it was normal. So why did my heart feel like it was beating fast? That's when I remembered, I hadn't taken my anxiety medication that morning.

   Suddenly, it all made sense! I had felt off all morning. I hadn't been smiling or feeling like myself. Then I wondered if I should go home and take my meds or if I should try to tough it out. Was I showing distrust in the lord if I didn't finish my day without my meds? 

   I was going to try to tough it out. But it wasn't easy. My heart felt like it was being ripped out of my chest, I was almost frowning the whole day, and I felt like I needed to punch something and cry at the same time. 

   I stopped what I was doing and sat. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and cleared my mind. I asked God to help me find his peace. Feeling a bit better I went back to what I was doing. Then the anxiety began to come back. I didn't understand why it was happening, but it wasn't my job to understand why it was happening. It was my job to trust God.

   I had time to sit down, and I began to write how I was feeling. What did I write? What you are reading now. As I began to write I felt God's peace. I wasn't focused on my fear or problems. I was focused on the Lord and the talents he has given me. 

   Philippians 4:6-7 says: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." In this situation, I did what God asked me to do. I went to him. I trusted in him. Because of that, this blog was written.

   I don't know why God wanted this written. I don't know who this was written for. I don't know why God hasn't taken my anxiety away even though I've asked. What I do know is that God loves me. He cares for me and has a plan for me. Because of that I don't have to fear, even when anxiety comes into my heart. I know God is with me no matter what happens on this earth. Do you believe that? What battles are you facing right now? How can you grow closer in your walk with God?